My knitting blog is now located at the Needle Exchange!
You have GOT to be kidding me.
“NEW YORK — ABC has commissioned a new reality show based on a British hit called Wife Swap — but it’s not what you think.”
Now, what do you think they’re on the defence about? This is a highly questionable idea. So far they’ve stuck racists together, and they’ve given six children to a woman with only one of her own. (With that lack of experience, she could have killed those kids!) At one point they even brought in a woman who turned out to be a praying mantis and ate her new husband. I’m sure the old wife had something to say about that. Until of course she herself was mauled by the alien babies she had to tend to.
These networks keep on coming up with more and more craaaaazy shit to throw at their viewers. Initially, it was just a bunch of frat kids hanging around being filmed by the worst focus-pullers on the face of the earth. Now, people are trading families and endangering the lives of their kids.
And what do the execs say about this? What do they say to defend themselves?
“The women trade diets, lifestyles, child-care approaches and standards of domestic hygiene — but they don’t actually have sex with each other’s partners.”
Well, that’s a relief.
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Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees
Happy Hairstyle Appreciation Day, Mr. Henry! In the spirit of the holiday, Tim, might I say that your hair is looking especially fantastic today.
Why thank you, Eve.
No problemo, Timmy. Say, have you ever considered growing your hair out?
I’ve tried, but it gets too frizzy and poofy. Fortunately, due to my enormous hidden head-fold I am still able to maintain my righteous permanent part.
I call it the halfro.
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Rant about Telus accompanied by links to Telus’ competitors
Fuckin’ Telus. I got a Telus phone (against my will) as a Christmas present in 2001. I didn’t use it much, but was still forced to reload and reload and reload in order to keep the rate per minute from becoming astronomical. At one point all my minutes spontaneously expired and I was forced to go through much pain-in-the-ass to get my minutes back. In short, Telus was shafting me in every possible orifice.
I used up all my minutes before leaving for Kingston in September and let my phone fester by itself for the 8 months I was there, knowing I wouldn’t need it. Yesterday, I decided to resurrect it so I could be contacted by friends about a get together I had poorly organized. It told me the phone was no longer activated. “Alright, no biggie,” I told myself, and called the number they suggested. I talked to an operator named David who told me I could buy a Pay & Talk card, call them back, and they would reactivate it (”free-of-charge” was said quite a few times) and put those minutes on.
I bought the card. 25 hard-earned dollars, it cost me. I called them back. I reached a woman whose named started with A. She told me he was wrong, and I had to buy a 75 dollar reactivation package in order to get my phone working again. I’d have to spend an extra 75, on top of the useless 25 dollar card I’d just bought.
Thanks, Dave. Thanks a lot, you asshole.
I asked her for his information (an employee number, or something) so I could get this jerkwad fired. She wouldn’t give it to me. I guess I’m writing this so I can get my firing-jollies out, then. To David, the guy at Telus who told me to buy a card I now don’t need: You are a stupid man. Learn to do your job. If everyone on earth were like you, our world would be doomed.
I strongly recommend buying a phone that is not by Telus, or switching if you were taken in my their cute animals-on-a-white-background commercials and bought a Telus phone as my parents did. Here are some sites to visit:
Bell Mobility
Fido
Rogers AT&T Wireless
Aliant
MTS Wireless
Sasktel Wireless
In more cheerful news, I finally bit the bullet and bought the Beastie Boys’ Ill Communication (during the badly organized get-together which turned into three of us trekking across Richmond Hill, looking for something to do). Best nine bucks I ever spent. Nine CANADIAN bucks. Sweet, no? Sigh, Deja Vu, you will never fail me. I now also am the proud owner of a pumpkin shirt. It says STAFF on the back, and has a giant pumpkin on both sides. Excellent.
Lastly, I have decided to learn Diner Talk. Hopefully also to invent some of my own and have it be incorporated into the Diner Talk of today’s thriving Diner industry.
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AK-MP3
I’m not sure whether to feel amused, disturbed, comforted, frightened or aroused.
I will be all five.
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FANTASTIC!!!
This is the Blackboard Blues Band.
Check out the guy with the trombone for a nose; he was my music teacher / conductor in high school. You can clearly see his permanent hair-part in this photograph. Oh, the memories. We were such Band-os. And by that I mean we were fiercely committed to the band.
I will keep this from being an only-people-in-the-know-will-get-this-post post by regaling you with my favourite conductor joke:
What’s the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
Ba-Zing!
Happy National Shrimp Scampi Day, Mr. Henry!
And look out for tomorrow, when the real fun begins… *cliffhanger*
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That’s it, I’m clean. From now on, I’m staying sober.
Because when I’m not, I’m dull as DIRT. I couldn’t hold any semblance of a conversation at that party. It was ludicrous, absolutely ludicrous. To anyone with whom I spoke, I apologize deeply. For goodness sake, I didn’t even have a smart comment to make about beyblades. Some guy asked me to tell him a random funny anecdote, and I had NOTHING. How can I have nothing? I never have nothing!
And so I apologize.
I also report that I have moved back with my parents, and it feels so very pathetic, even if it is only for four months. I have the key to my new place, but no way to get to it unless I drive for three hours, so you can be sure I’ll have a devil of a time ship-shaping it up. I did manage to haul my chair (the sickly, dumpster-bound eng-urchin I found in Clark Hall) back with me, so at least that facet of the reconstruction job will soon be taken care of. I haven’t yet taken stock of the paint colours in my basement, but you can be sure I’ll find one which is sufficiently flamboyant.
Unfortunately, in the stormy packing and repacking debacle that took place by Chown, I came up short one orange Ikea wastebasket. It was very smart-looking; I’m going to miss it. (Note to self: people do not steal computer monitors from your dollies, they steal spiffy orange wastebaskets.) Damn Chownies, not even the black-market price of a nice Samsung Dynaflat™ will get them interested in computers.
More news:
1) I’ve rediscovered my love for Harvey’s Hamburgers.
2) I have also, as of a few hours ago, completely updated myself on 24.
3) New tampax tampon applicators are “pearlescent.”
4) I’m still very, very sorry.
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A lot of distraught people have been emailing me, frantically, because I did not post the Fresnel function as “Equation of the Week” last week. Bowing to the will of the people, I have decided to do so for April 27 - May 3. I know that’s a lot of Fresnel, but what can I do? He’s a very popular guy.
FRESNEL!!!
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