In a walk-in freezer at the local butcher shop, two snowmen are standing motionless, awaiting the coming winter.
Bob: Not yet.
Bob: Jim, please don’t make me go on like this for two weeks. It won’t be cold enough to leave this freezer until it snows, and that’s a long way away.
Jim: I’m cold.
Bob: You’re a moron.
Jim: Tell me again why we left the North Pole so early this winter?
Bob: You booked the flight, Jim, you tell me.
Jim: It wasn’t my fault. The travel agent said it was a steal.
Bob: Because of you, I’m spending two weeks next to you and a bunch of cow carcasses.
Jim: Come on, it’ll be fun. Let’s play twenty questions. What am I thinking of?
Bob: Is it white?
Jim: Yes.
Bob: Is it snow?
Jim: Yes. That was fun!
Bob: You’re a moron.
* * *
Jim: Hey, Bob? What does it all mean?
Bob: What, you mean life?
Jim: Well, no, I was thinking about the ending to I, Robot. Were those robots that were shipped off to the junkyard planning another rebellion? I could have sworn that was what they were suggesting. Considering the amount of money it made at the box office, they’d be crazy not to capitalize on a sequel.
Bob: You’ve never even seen I, Robot.
Jim: Yes I have.
Bob: No, you haven’t.
Jim: Well then what was I watching last Tuesday after we came back from grocery shopping?
Bob: That was the oven.
Jim: No wonder I was feeling melty.
* * *
Jim: Hey Bob, do you think this shirt makes my chest look big enough?
Bob: Snowmen don’t wear shirts. You just packed snow onto your arms to look like sleeves.
Jim: I need to work on my pecs.
Bob: Too bad this freezer doesn’t have a gym. You know where there’s a gym, Jim? The North Pole.
Jim: Maybe I could pack some snow on my chest to make myself some pecs.
* * *
Jim: I’m bored.
Bob: Well, we can’t play cards anymore since you threw them out the window.
Jim: I was scared. I thought they were bees.
* * *
Jim: Do you think that girl over there likes me?
Bob: Which girl?
Jim: The redhead over there.
Bob: You mean that frozen, skinless slab of bone and flesh hanging from a meat hook?
Jim: You just have to get to know her.
Bob: She’s a cow, Jim.
Jim: She said she liked my pecs!
Bob: We saved two dollars on our flight. This torture saved us two dollars.
Jim: Yeah, but there was so much more legroom.
* * *
Jim: Look what I found, Bob! Giblets! Watch me put them on my head.
Bob: Oh God.
Jim: Hey Bob, who am I? Guess who I am!
Bob: Jeffrey Dahmer?
Jim: I’m Richard Nixon! “I am not a crook.”
Bob: I pity the preschooler who made you.
* * *
Jim: Hey, Bob, my stomach hurts. Does your stomach hurt?
Bob: It’s 4 AM, go back to sleep.
Jim: I have to pee.
Bob: Then pee.
Jim: It feels warmer in here. Do you feel warm? What happened to that motor-y sound?
Bob: The motor must have cut out. Go back to sleep.
Jim: The motor for the freezer?
Bob: Yes, the motor fo– Shit.
Jim: What do we do, Bob?
Bob: We’re going to have to huddle together for cold.
Jim: I’m scared.
Bob: If you stop talking, this room will be a lot colder and I’ll be a lot happier.
Jim: I’m sorry you’re angry, Bob. If it’ll cheer you up, I can sing you a song. Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful…
Bob: I need a drink.
Jim: And since there’s no place to go… sing it with me Bob! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! Come on, Bob, sing with me. Now it doesn’t show signs of stopping, but I’ve brought some corn for popping… Come on, Bob! The lights are turned way down low… Bob! Bob?
« Hide the rest
