All I Ever Need to Know I Learned From the Queen’s Sexual Health Resource Centre (with mustache peter)
Published here.
Clean up your own mess — Don’t hit people unless they ask you to — Wash your hands before you eat — Always come on time — The safety word is “artichoke” — Flush — If it doesn’t taste good, pretend you’ve swallowed it and then spit it into a napkin — Always take time out to nap — Always use a #2 pencil — Two’s company, three’s a crowd, four’s a party — A picture is worth a thousand words — An incriminating picture is worth a thousand dollars — If you forget someone’s name, just wait for someone else to moan it — Always wait your turn — The guy always pays — Try a new thing every day — Point away from face — Share and share alike, but nothing bacterial — Always wear clean underwear — Keep your hands above the table — If it’s cold outside, wear a hat and maybe some pants — Never run with scissors if you’re not wearing pants — Say “please” — Give nine months for delivery — Location, location, location — Early to bed, early to rise — Never have sex in a graveyard — Knock before you enter — Stick to your buddy — If it gets in your eye, flush with water for two minutes — Change your oil every 300,000 km — Lather, rinse, repeat — Good friends stick together — Really good friends towel each other off — Aim for the stomach — Don’t shoot until you see the whites of their eyes — Always clear your cache after reading Internet porn — Always lock your door before “going to the bathroom,” because seriously dude, we’re really tired of walking in on you