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5/5 Hippos
As a prize-winning pianist, I need to keep my hands in tip-top shape at all times. This means that if my sensitive digits come into contact with extreme temperatures (hot or cold, for example), I have not done my job as a professional. As we all know, coffee is an extremely hot substance; one that is feared by the entire pianizing community. The invention of the coffee cup insulator allows us all to breathe a sigh of relief. Not only do they protect our sensitive fingers, but they are also nice to the touch. A main feature of the design is its curved shape. Less observant coffee drinkers would say that a coffee cup insulator is cylindrical in shape, but if you look closely you will see that it is actually conical. This allows for it to meld perfectly with the shape of the coffee cup. Truly a marvel of engineering.
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2/5 Hippos
There’s something special about the crushes you have in high school. If you’re like me, your crushes lasted two to three years at a time and ended pointlessly. They were always unrealistic and based on such crucial characteristics as hair colour or what instrument they played in music class. Any interactions with said crush would send your heartbeat screaming through the roof, with no hope of recovery until halfway through Chemistry. It was pretty awkward at the time, but looking back on it fills me with wistful nostalgia. Why don’t we have high school crushes anymore? I don’t know about you, but I’ll take silent, undirected pining over anonymous, alcohol-induced hooking up any day of the week. Adoration is so comfortable when you don’t have to act on it, am I right? And who knows, they might show up at the reunion.
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4/5 Hippos
Do you guys remember pizza days in public school? The teachers would order pizza and drinks and you could have up to three slices of pepperoni or plain pizza and milk or a choice of several really terrible, chemical juices that hurt your mouth when you drank them because the mouths of the plastic bottles were really sharp and the acid crawled into the little gashes they made in your lips. I loved those juices. Man, those were the days.
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4.5/5 Hippos
Canada Post is fantastic! I don’t know about you, but I think stamps are a great idea. All I do is stick a stamp to an envelope, and it flies all the way over to the Northwest Territories for a mere 49 cents? Count me in, Canada Post. You guys are the best.
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2.5/5 Hippos
Coke with half the carbs and all the taste? I personally tasted this beverage and it definitely has the same quantity of taste but unfortunately that taste is garbage.
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2.5/5 Hippos
This 3-year mission smashed into the ground at 310 miles per hour, splitting the capsule in two and sending $264 million worth of information into little sparkly pieces across the Utah desert. Smooth, NASA, smooth.
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Published here.
1.5/5 Hippos
I really don’t like bendable plastic rulers. They don’t store any better than regular rulers, and they don’t measure properly because the lines stretch all over the place. The straight edge is curved because for no good goddamn reason they decided to make rulers that morph into irregular shapes. Why would you need something like that? I need my ruler for two things: measuring and drawing straight lines. I’m pretty sure a bent ruler can do neither of these things. So what is a bendable ruler for, I ask you? A belt for a baby? That would be a very uncomfortable belt, and far too wide besides. Altogether a useless product. I rest my case.
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